Thursday, January 5, 2012

Shop Talk

When I was on a domestic flight in the US, I found this in the pocket of my seat. Sky Mall is a catalogue of the most lame-brained, numb-skulled, idiotic consumer goods you've ever clapped your eyes on.
Example one, the camouflage snuggy. The perfect gift for the man who always intended on joining the army, but was too lazy to do so.

Perhaps you'd like to order a Winter onesie, complete with feet.......for yourself!!
At only $59, it's quite tempting.

Many Sky Mall products seem to be focussed on pets, and the doing away with their business. This 'kit' contained amongst other things an instructional dvd to teach your cat how to use the toilet.
No one would ever suspect this pot plant is anything but beautiful.

And I've got one of these on order for Ted. He'll looooove it! Apparently, 'the self-cleaning litter box features a patented sifting process that automatically activates 7 minutes after the cat leaves the box, transferring waste into a hidden drawer, leaving the globe with fresh clean litter for the next use.

Consumers are fickle. I cannot believe the things that people will buy. Who would ever have expected the world to go mad for rubber thongs again. Imagine relaunching something that's already been around forever, but now costs $30 instead of $2 from the servo?
Yet, I present to you the phenomenon that is the Havaiana thong.
In the same vein, what is it with Crocs? Who would have ever thought that would catch on, yet I have seen whole families of supposedly well educated people wearing them - whole families.....all at once!

I'll never make millions from an invention because I just don't understand what people want, although that doesn't stop me from trying.
A couple of years ago I was on the beach in Noosa chatting with a friend when I looked around me at all the bikini wearers, and came up with a new invention. It stems from the Brazilian wax craze. I called my invention the 'Camel No'.
Of course I was just kidding, but when I was googling a picture to demonstrate a classic camel toe, I came upon this.
Ladies, I present to you 

You can actually buy one here. The website is hysterical, worth a look.
Pens down, you can now stop all that doodling, as the Cuchini marks a momentous occasion in consumer history.
It's official.....everything has now been invented.....there will be no new inventions beyond this point.


  1. I hate Crocs. I particularly hate seeing men wearing them ... it is a total turn off. Also off putting his seeing Mum, Dad and the kids all in matching Crocs ... so sad. I do love a thong though (for hanging out washing or wearing down to the beach) ... Kmart have them for $4 at the moment in a range of colours. As FF would say "Run don't walk people" ... although FF would probably never be seen wearing a thong.

  2. I thought twice about commenting on this post, only because I risk being accused of not appreciating its tongue-in-cheek theme. Which I do.

    But I'm wearing Crocs right now. My husband needs a new pair because he wears his so often he's wearing through the soles. There are Crocs of all sizes and colours all over the house. I was attracted to them originally because thet were reminiscent of Scandinavian clogs. Then they proved to be soft and easy for small children to put on quickly when we had to race out the door.

    There are Haivanas everywhere as well. There's also RM Williams boots, Saltwater sandals, Converse sneakers, and Hunter gum boots.

    I find it amusing that people can make judgments about others based solely on their plastic footwear. (Having said that, I'm guilty of being judgmental in other respects!)

  3. Hilarious! I got such a laugh reading your post today. Thanks for sharing. Ange

  4. My point regarding Crocs and Havaianas is rather more about the fact that these seemingly ordinary 'inventions', among all the thousands of new items to be marketed each year, should turn out to be worldwide fads.
    I would never have picked it.

  5. Love this post! Laugh - still - hysterically! Surely there's got to be a newspaper column free for you this year!