Grandpa jokes

I love a good grandpa joke. Sorry in advance.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that? 2:30am?
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.




Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .
"Really," says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"


My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.




Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid then I was petrified.




The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I went to the charity shop and got all her clothes back.




Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.


I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.